“I’m afraid.” These are words often heard but ignored. Fear can come from insecurities, but where do insecurities come from? For many people, insecurities come from comparing themselves to others and thinking the others have a better or easier life. Unfortunately, when people are insecure, they can often project that insecurity onto others because this is how the human ego defends itself. It basically says, “Hey, I’m not insecure. You are!” So, what do you do if you’re that person someone is dumping their insecurities on? You become fearless, that’s what.
Don’t let someone else’s insecurity bring fear to your life.
Here are 3 ways to deflect someone’s projected insecurities:
Surround yourself with fearless people.
The goal is to find people who have embraced the feeling of being challenged, who look at life as a challenge, not as an obstacle filled with insecurities and doubt. Look for people that strive to own courage and take on Titans. The world is filled with people who have positive attitudes. The key is to find these people. But to do this, you must open your eyes to see their positivity.
Let’s say you work in sales, which can be a job filled with rejection. Don’t hang out with the person who is constantly complaining that they can’t make any sales, that they can’t make anyone happy no matter what they do, that they are just a nameless face in the company. All those bad vibes are just going to roll right onto you and start to make you fearful of not being successful either. Run as fast as you can from that person! Block them on social media. Don’t respond to their texts unless you absolutely have to. Their fear of failing should not become your fear of failing.
Find yourself those positive people who love the challenge of sales, who strive to be the best even when they struggle at times, and who don’t let the setbacks impede their goal of being successful. Stick by those people and feed off their positivity. Their positive attitudes can become your fuel for fending off any fears you may feel brewing in your gut.
If you really look around, you might be surprised at how many positive people are in your life. Even if it’s a friend who lives on the other side of the world, jump on Facetime and connect with them. Let their positivity travel through the air waves right into your head. You won’t regret it!
Change your mindset
A simple thing to say but how does one do it? One answer is quite simple – talk to yourself. When you’re feeling fear stemmed from someone else’s insecurities being placed on you or placed on you by yourself, you need to talk yourself out of it. Nobody can change your mind but you, so don’t be shy. Give yourself the pep-talk you need to get out of the blanket of fear.
Now you might be thinking, “Talk to myself? I’ll sound crazy.” This could not be further from the truth. Think about this – when you’re struggling with something, doesn’t it get better when you “talk it out” with someone? Absolutely, because words – spoken words – are powerful. Use your spoken words to change your mindset. Use your spoken words to extinguish your fear.
Okay, so next you might be thinking, “What do I tell myself?” The answer is positive affirmations. Positive affirmations have been shown to decrease fear, insecurities, and even depression. So, what are they? They are positive statements that ward off self-sabotaging and negative thoughts. Every morning, tell yourself out loud that you can do anything. Tell yourself that you can conquer the world. Tell yourself that you are strong, confident, and perfect. But don’t just do this in the morning. Do it while you’re driving to work. Do it while sitting in boring meetings. Do it while you’re cooking dinner. Do it while you’re working out. And as you begin to drift off to sleep, say your positive affirmations as if they are your life’s mantra. Whenever you can, say them out loud, but saying them in your head works too. They become like a song in your head and then it turns into a belief.
Instead of thinking you can’t do something, say out loud, “Yes, I can do this. Yes, I can do this. Yes, I CAN do this!” Instead of thinking there’s nothing goes right in your life, say out loud, “Here’s the list of things that are wonderful in my life….” Instead of thinking that you’re too afraid to step out of your comfort zone and do something new, say out loud, “Fear has no hold on me. Fear does not control me. I control fear!”
Positive affirmations can be anything you want. When you feel a negative thought begin to creep into your mind, immediately say, “No. I feel positive about this.” The positivity that begins in your mind will begin to quickly seep into your life, and all those fears will be but a distant memory.
Remember the journey is supposed to be fun
You’ve heard the saying that “life is a journey.” Why make your journey filled with unnecessary fear? Embrace the journey and accept that there may be times you trip and even fall, but that doesn’t define your journey. And if someone is placing their insecurities on you causing you fear, this is like a huge flying monkey stealing your red, ruby slippers as you travel down the yellow brick road. Squash that fear and enjoy your journey, even if it means traveling down the road barefooted.
The end goal shouldn’t just be what brings you happiness. Your journey to go your goal can be long, so ask yourself, do you want that journey to be filled with unhappiness and fear, or do you want the journey to be just as enjoyable as the end goal? Even when you have obstacles or have people placing their negativity on you in your journey, embrace them because they will make the sweet success of getting to your goal all that much more delicious.
Fear will stop you from having a productive journey to your dreams. Fear will create negative thoughts. Fear will take happiness that is rightfully yours. Fear can eventually control you. But in the end, fear is nothing more than the power you give it. You can decide to be fearful and watch as others achieve your dreams, or you can take life by the horns and achieve your own dreams. As Nelson Mandela once said, “The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”
Contributed by Free2Luv Advocate Michael Scotten in collaboration with Jessica Farrington.