We all know the feeling: you see a friend’s gorgeous vacation photo, and even while you’re appreciating that amazing beach sunset, you’re asking yourself “how do they manage to take so many trips?” Same goes for the endless social media scroll of super-happy happy hour scenes and “I woke up like this” Sunday morning coffee dates. It all seems a little too good to be true, and of course, it is.
What you don’t see on social media: School and work stresses, money headaches, tense relationship moments, and bad hair days. In other words, real life. This makes perfect sense when you consider that posting and checking in on social media is supposed to be fun. Why waste time on downer topics? But that constant exposure to an idealized view of the world comes at a cost.
Are Your Apps Bringing You Down?
According to a recent study published in the online journal JAMA Psychiatry, adolescents who spend more than three hours a day on social media may be at heightened risk for mental health problems. Even more modest use — as little as 30 minutes per day — was associated with increased mental health risk when compared to no use at all. A second study from the same journal suggests that screen time may increase symptoms of depression among young people proportionally, with more screen time equating to greater symptoms.
Comparison lies at the heart of this problem. Naiya Hastings, 18, of Boulder, Colorado sums it up: “When people begin to compare themselves to others on the internet it can become very toxic and disheartening. Either you feel you are better than someone, or someone else is better than you — and in both cases it’s not a very healthy thing.”
Daisy Ellis, 20, of New Orleans, Louisiana feels the same. “Online, there are so many different people all posting about only the best and most glamorous aspects of their lives. It makes it very easy to feel like looking like them or spending all your time traveling is the norm, when in reality most of us don’t have an ‘influencer’ lifestyle.”
5 Tips to Preserving Authenticity in an Idealized Social World
Simply avoiding social media is one way to escape these toxic comparisons, but for many of us that’s not practical. (And it may not even be desirable. After all, there are some real benefits to connecting online.) But you can scale back exposure and dial down the potential negative impact of social media by keeping a few tips in mind.
- Check that screen time! Tracking screen time helps with self-awareness and reduces mindless scrolling. The downside? Seeing a high number can also produce guilt. So set a realistic goal — maybe, cutting 10 minutes of screen time versus the prior day — rather than aiming for perfection. Instead of laying in bed and scrolling though social media when you first wake up every morning, keep your phone on the nightstand, get up and stretch. Start your morning ritual before jumping online. Instead of scrolling through social media while you’re watching TV, hanging with friends, or eating (which we’ve all been known to do!), keep your phone in your pocket or out of sight and just enjoy the real-life moments.
- Try a social cleanse. If you’re feeling especially down, deleting social apps from your phone is a great action step — and it doesn’t have to be permanent. Just pull back for a couple of weeks to break the negative cycle of scroll-compare-repeat. Then, if you do decide to re-engage, you’ll come at it from a more grounded place.
- Be selective. Not all social media content is created equal, so try to direct your valuable attention toward images and ideas that feed you in healthy ways. Search out inspirational influences – for example, if you’re struggling with body image, consider following a body-positive page or blogger who may uplift you. Daisy Ellis of New Orleans has found this especially useful. “I control my social media by controlling what I look at. I try to look at funny posts and posts by newspapers or bloggers I really like, and not spend hours looking at other women’s lives and bodies.” Remember, most people are just posting the good stuff in their life, or what they consider the good stuff. Instead of looking at stuff that can bring up feelings of envy, find posts that are entertaining or that can teach you something. Being entertained or learning something is so much more enjoyable than being envious.
- Journal it. If you’re really struggling with breaking the spell of the screen, a simple journaling exercise might help. Each day, set a goal to write down three positive thoughts or ideas you picked up online. It could be as simple as recalling a video that made you laugh out loud (definitely positive!), or as deep as a new way of looking at relationships. Either way, this technique can help flip your social media lens to focus on where you find value, instead of how you measure up.
- Get real. The most powerful antidote to social comparison? Real life! If you’re reading a book, creating art, playing sports, or talking face-to-face with a friend, chances are you’re not on your phone. Getting intentional about slotting time in your calendar for these healthy activities can be the most powerful tool when it comes to making a change.
Remember that you don’t have to live up to what you see posted by others online. You are remarkable and awesome just the way you are! Never forget that. But if you ever need a reminder, we’re always here for you!
