Did you know that suicide is the second leading cause of death in those 10 to 24-years-old? Every day in the U.S. there are over 3,000 suicide attempts by high school kids.1 Fortunately, these statistics can be reduced through Social and Emotional Learning (SEL). And, it is imperative that the importance and effectiveness of SEL are understood and implemented as the method has proven to be an effective tool to prevent youth suicide.
What is Social and Emotional Learning?
Social and emotional learning is a process which allows children to acquire and effectively apply the knowledge, attitudes, and skills necessary to understand and manage their emotions, set and achieve positive goals, feel and show empathy for others, establish and maintain positive relationships, and make responsible decisions.2 There are five core areas of SEL, each of which include a handful of skills that allow kids to calm themselves when angry, make friends, resolve conflicts respectfully, and make ethical and positive choices.
Social and Emotional Skills
Social and emotional learning focuses on 5 core areas that kids and adolescents can develop which will help them become healthy, caring, competent, and confident. The 5 areas are self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision-making. The skills found within these core areas aren’t anything new, and many of us have an idea as to what they entail. But our kids don’t always know they have the power to build up these skills, so it’s crucial that we help them.
- Self-Awareness – They learn to recognize their emotions, describe their interests and values, and accurately assess their strengths. They gain a well-grounded sense of self-confidence and hope for the future.
- Self-Management – They learn to regulate their emotions. They develop skills to manage stress, control impulses, and persevere in overcoming obstacles. Through these skills, they develop self-discipline, set goals, and become resilient.
- Social Awareness – They learn to understand, appreciate, and show respect for others’ perspectives, emotions, and needs. They develop the ability to empathize with others and recognize and appreciate individual and group similarities and differences.
- Relationship Skills – They learn to establish and maintain healthy and rewarding relationships based on cooperation and effective communication. They become capable in resisting inappropriate social pressure and in resolving conflicts to reach positive outcomes, and they gain leadership skills.
Responsible Decision-Making – They learn to make good decision choices by considering the ethical standards, safety concerns, appropriate social norms, respect for others, and the likely consequences of various courses of action. They learn to apply these decision-making skills at home, at school, and in social situations, which leads to their motivation of contributing to the well-being of those around them.
Why Social and Emotional Learning Matters
Kids, especially adolescents, are stressed out – even more so than adults. They’re dealing with issues at school, at home, and with friends and peers. Involvement in sports or other activities can add pressure. Can they keep up with their peers? Can they stay on top of their schoolwork? Can they stay involved and do well in their extracurricular activities? Do they have time to do their chores? And then, of course, there are pressures that stem from social media and our entire digital and media culture. How do they handle their feelings when they see on social media that they weren’t invited to a party where all their friends seemed to have been invited? Social and emotional learning helps them effectively navigate these difficulties while at the same time improving their mindsets.
SEL is essential because it teaches our kids how to deal with negative circumstances in the most positive, effective, and empathetic way possible. Through SEL, kids harness positive life skills and engage in positive thinking and behaviors, all of which are crucial in promoting mental health and preventing anti-social behaviors. In addition, SEL skills are critical in youth suicide prevention.
Risk factors when SEL isn’t applied
What are the risk factors if a child doesn’t develop SEL skills, and what signs should you look for? When SEL skills haven’t been developed or are stalled in the development process, children will begin to show signs of psychological and physical distress. Without SEL skills, a child is more prone to outbursts of anger, making poor choices, being unkind to others, and inflicting self-harm. Many risky behaviors, such as drug and alcohol abuse, bullying of others, and absenteeism from school or extracurricular activities have also been linked to poor SEL skills. Their schoolwork may begin to suffer and they may lose friends due to the inability to communicate and interact with them effectively.
It’s important to stay mindful of a child’s behavior. If you notice that their grades are dropping, they’re getting in more trouble at school or with law enforcement, or they’re having emotional outbursts, these could be signs of underdeveloped SEL skills. Also, be mindful of a child who is showing signs of isolation. SEL skills allow a child to deal with stressors in a positive way, and when that doesn’t occur, often times a child will hide away in their room because they feel they just can’t handle being around people or facing the world. It is absolutely crucial that we stay aware of a child’s behavior changes; it could be lifesaving.
How to Foster Social and Emotional Learning
Now, more than ever, it is vital that we address the ‘whole’ child, their social and emotional well-being and this learning begins at home. “Family life is our first school for emotional learning,” states Daniel Goleman, the author of the groundbreaking book.3
When it comes to our children, whether they are toddlers or teens, it is us who can build them up and help them increase their social and emotional learning skills. And, there are several different ways we can do this, here are ten ways:
1. words, words, words
Words have a massive effect, and for kids, it’s particularly important that we understand just how much our words affect their minds. Now they might not always remember the exact words we say, but they will remember how our words made them feel. It’s those feelings that then lead to how they relate to the world. If they feel our words are critical and judgmental, they could put up a wall of defensiveness and disconnect from others, or they could lash out unnecessarily. On the other hand, if they feel our words are encouraging and appreciating, they may feel supported and connected, and this helps them develop relationships and to show encouragement and openness to others.
2. own your imperfections
Don’t try to hide your imperfections. Instead, own and embrace them because by doing so, it will show kids that it’s okay to falter or get things wrong. We all have those days where we just feel “off,” and if we acknowledge it, kids can feel more at ease talking to us when they make mistakes or have their own “off” days. Learning to be self-aware of imperfections fosters a healthy attitude.
3. Show kindness
If we show kindness throughout our own lives to everyone, kids will begin to value that quality. Be sure to make kindness a priority, as it’s the foundation to strong connections with others. It’s not enough to just to tell kids to be kind; we must do as we preach. When kids show kindness, they build their social awareness skills while creating connections with others.
4. Listen Don’t Just Hear
First, you need to realize there’s a difference between hearing and listening. Listening means you are processing what is being said to you versus just hearing the words float in one ear and out the other. When you’re listening, prove it by saying something like, “So, what you’re saying is _____. I understand that.” Engage in active listening several times a day with them. It’s not just good for you, but it’s great for them because they’ll feel connected and valued. And not only that, but they will learn how to listen to others.
5. Disagree effectively
We all have different points of view, but it’s how we show disagreement that can make a huge impact on a child. Don’t shut them down when they disagree with you. Let them voice their disagreement, show them you understand, and encourage the conversation. They’ll learn that understanding someone doesn’t mean they have to agree, and having a constructive disagreement teaches them how to respect the opinions of others.
6. Show empathy
Empathy means understanding and sharing the feelings of others. The absolute best way for children to learn this is by watching you. Acknowledge their feelings – actually say to them what they are feeling – and let them know you get it. If they’re feeling sad, say, “You seem really sad, and I understand.” Doing this for them lets them experience how empathy can make someone feel better.
7. Feeling the Feelings
Our days can be a whirlwind of different feelings, and it’s no different for kids. First, show them it’s okay to feel the feelings by sharing your feelings, when appropriate. In other words, don’t dump your problems on them. But if you’re feeling sad, let them see you’re sad. This may give them the courage to show their feelings instead of pushing them down. And when they do share their feelings, don’t try to talk them out of feeling that way. Just let them get their feelings out, because by doing so, it can help prevent depression or anger at the world. Talk to them about how they feel and explain what feelings do and why they occur. The more they understand their feelings, the more self-aware they become.
8. Give choices and respect
Don’t make all the decisions for your child. Let them pick out their clothes. Let them decide what kind of dessert they’d like. Let them choose which chores they want to do first. And most importantly, respect their decisions. Be open to allowing them to make many different decisions throughout their days. When children have an opportunity to make choices, they learn essential problem-solving skills. Giving them ways to express preferences and make decisions shows that their ideas and feelings matter. But just because you’re letting them make their own decisions doesn’t mean you leave them to fend for themselves. Talk to them and ask what they’re thinking. Doing this gives them encouragement and support, which builds their self-esteem.
9. Model responsibility and forgiveness
If you make a mistake, own up to it and work to make it right. Most importantly, let kids see you take responsibility. Trying to hide a mistake can teach a child to embrace shame. But if we teach them ownership of the mistakes, it leads them to a position of strength. Conversely, if we are the one who was wronged, show them how to forgive. This is especially important if the child comes to you apologizing for something. Teach them how to forgive and they’ll be able to forgive others.
10. results of social and emotional learning
If children learn to express emotions constructively and engage in caring and respectful relationships, they are more likely to avoid depression, violence, and other serious mental health problems as they grow older.
Here are some amazing results from SEL:
- SEL fosters a caring community of youth.
- SEL fosters positive social participation.
- SEL improves social and emotional competences.
- SEL harnesses positive life skills and promotes positive thinking and behaviors.
- SEL improves the motivation to learn and self-evaluate.
- SEL decreases emotional distress.
- SEL helps in youth suicide prevention.
- SEL increases communication and problem-solving skills.
- SEL develops caring and concern for others.
- SEL teaches how to resolve conflicts respectfully.
- SEL encourages making ethical and safe choices.
- SEL improves mental health.
Social and Emotional Techniques and Activities
There are several effective techniques and activities that help you connect with your child and promote a healthy expression of their emotions. Consider mindful, reflective, and relaxation activities.
- Mindful activities, such as focused breathing, stretching, and slow movement exercises, may be extremely beneficial. Just think about how good you feel when you meditate, do yoga, or just take a leisurely walk in a quiet park or on a beach. When a child learns to be mindful, the results are astounding. Mindfulness has been found to decrease the effects of bullying, enhance focus, reduce attention problems, improve mental health and well-being, and improve social skills.4
- Reflective activities, such as journaling or drawing, can also help social and emotional learning. In today’s digital world, reflection has become a “norm” as seen with blogs, social media posts, and the endless number of self-videos found with a tap of a finger. We know reflection helps us, so naturally, it also helps kids. When a child learns to reflect, especially upon themselves, they acknowledge how they feel or what they are thinking and why they might be thinking it. They gain understanding and insight, which leads to making good choices and moving forward.
- Relaxation activities, such as listening to music, creating art, or just lounging on the grass watching the clouds, can provide strong benefits to social and emotional learning. For many of us, relaxation is found by listening to music while coloring in an adult-coloring book, reading a book, or creating something out of nothing. It’s not any different for kids. When they learn to relax, they learn to slow down their minds and emotions, and they gain a positive boost they may need to face whatever they’re dealing with.
Social and Emotional Books
There are a lot of great books filled with information and advice about SEL and what you can do to help your child. Plus, there’s a wealth of story books that kids can relate to. Here are a few finds:
For Adults:
- Making Grateful Kids: A Scientific Approach to Help Youth Thrive by Jeffrey Froh and Giacoma Bono
- Parenting without Power Struggles: Raising Joyful, Resilient Kinds While Staying Cool, Calm and Connected by Susan Stiffelman
- How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
- The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind by Daniel J. Siegel
For Kids:
- Just Breathe: Meditation, Mindfulness, Movement, and More by Mallika Chopra
- Mindful Me: Mindfulness and Meditation for Kids by Whitney Stuart
- When Sophie Gets Angry –Really, Really Angry by Molly Bang
- My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss
- My Mixed Emotions: Help Your Kids Handle Their Feelings by DK and Maureen Healy
- Yoga for Kids: Simple First Septs in Yoga and Mindfulness by Susannah Hoffman
- Being You by Alexs Pate
The goal of social and emotional learning is to help kids develop more positive attitudes toward themselves and others, enhance self-worth, boost confidence, be persistent, show empathy, engage in peaceful conflict resolution, and build strong interpersonal connections. It is vital for all of us to work together to raise confident, empowered, and well-balanced children. We’ve all heard the saying that “it takes a village,” and that certainly goes for SEL. It takes a village to prevent and minimize bullying and to prevent youth suicide, and it begins with each of us modeling kindness, acceptance, inclusion, and healthy emotional expression.
Building up a child can be done with a few simple words. Start there and you’ll begin to see that they become aware of all the things they are capable of. And bonus, by being actively and positively involved in their lives, they gain an understanding of how thoughts, actions, and feelings are interconnected. Let’s start today!
You can learn more about Free2Luv’s SEL programming, EXPRESS IT! HERE.
References:
[1] http://jasonfoundation.com/youth-suicide/facts-stats/
[2] https://casel.org/what-is-sel/
[3] Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman (2012)
[4] https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/mindfulness-for-children-kids-activities
