What Does Depression Feel Like?

Discover Depression Symptoms, Thoughts, and How to Help

“When my walls are crashing down
When my feet can’t touch the ground
And when I scream but there’s no sound
And I wonder what will happen now
That my walls have crashed down.”

These lyrics by singer/songwriter Maddie Vance perfectly describe how depression can feel. Depression isn’t just feeling a little sad and unmotivated. Depression isn’t “just a phase that will pass.” Depression isn’t just something to be ignored or taken as inconsequential. If you haven’t ever felt depression before, there’s a good chance you may not understand the complexities of it. Depression is a very real, very serious mental health issue that needs to be understood by everyone in order to help and support those living with this often debilitating issue.

So, what is depression really like? Nicole Carmen, a mental health advocate who has Bipolar II Disorder, depression, and anxiety has been living with depression for nearly a decade. She’s been generous in sharing her feelings and others’ feelings about the depression they struggle with every day.

What Depression Feels Like 

“To me, depression feels like a dark follower. I can turn my head and see him following at a distance, or peeking his head around the corner, watching me. When I’m at my worst, it feels like he’s right behind me, so close that he can touch me. The closer he follows, the more intense the negative feelings are. Depressive episodes are both emotionally and physically draining. It can be crippling, even. It can prevent us from thinking rationally, taking care of ourselves, taking care of household chores, having normal social interactions, and in severe cases, even working.” Nicole Carmen

Depression Quotes: Shared Feelings & Thoughts

“Like trying to live life, while walking in mud. Some days it’s ankle deep, some it’s waist deep and most times, it’s somewhere in between.” @TiredInOntario

“Nothing. You feel nothing. You don’t feel what you’re supposed to feel. You do feel a mild blandness that makes you want to medicate with stuff you know you shouldn’t do.” @AutisticPriest

“An overwhelming sense of dread that never leaves, coupled with a tightness and pressure over my heart. Like looking at the world with storm-cloud colored glasses.” @WhatiCanChange

“Depression. It’s hard to describe. I’ll have to put it like this. U ever have that dream where you’re falling but you never hit the ground. Just like that, only you’re blindfolded + you don’t know why you’re falling + you don’t know if you’ll ever hit the ground.” @jeremyemery1984

“Where everyone’s normal or average state of their mood is what you experience on only your happiest of days. And then you feel like you’re not human since you hardly ever reach the surface so you end up sinking deeper. Like the world is at light speed and you can only crawl.” @moondoll

“The lead blanket the dentist drapes over you during x rays.” @TerminallyNice

“Like a very big black dog on my shoulders, snarling, barking words of hate and shame in my ear. Constant barking and snarling, pushing me to the very edge during my waking and sleeping hours. When it’s gone I feel lighter.” @crybabybunting

What Is Depression?

Depression is a serious mood disorder that causes severe symptoms that affect how you feel, think, and deal with daily activities, and it can occur at any age. Depression symptoms can vary in type and in severity, and if felt for more than two weeks, you may be diagnosed with depression. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, below are some of the most common symptoms of depression:

• Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood
• Feelings of hopelessness, or pessimism
• Irritability
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
• Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities
• Decreased energy or fatigue
• Moving or talking more slowly
• Feeling restless or having trouble sitting still
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
• Difficulty sleeping, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
• Appetite and/or weight changes
• Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
• Aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems without a clear physical cause and/or that do not ease even with treatment

  If you feel five or more of the above symptoms at least once a day for at least two weeks, you could be diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, which is also known as clinical depression.

  There is no blueprint to depression symptoms. In other words, everyone experiences depression differently. Some may feel all the symptoms all the time but at varying intensity levels – sometimes severe and other times mild. Others may feel just a few of the symptoms but at an extreme intensity.

Types of Depression

There are different types of depression, usually due to how the depression develops under certain circumstances. Let’s look at a few common types of depression:

• Postpartum depression is when women experience full-blown major depression after the delivery of their baby, though the depression symptoms can begin prior to giving birth. The feelings of extreme sadness, anxiety, and exhaustion that accompany postpartum depression can make it difficult for new mothers to complete daily care activities for themselves or for their babies.
• Persistent depressive disorder is a depressed mood that lasts for at least two years. A person may have episodes of major depression along with periods of less severe symptoms.
• Psychotic depression occurs when a person has severe depression plus some form of psychosis, such as having delusions (disturbing false fixed beliefs) or hallucinations (hearing or seeing upsetting things that others can’t). The psychotic symptoms typically have a depressive theme, such as delusions of guilt, poverty, or illness.
• Seasonal affective disorder is the onset of depression usually during the winter months when there is less natural sunlight. This depression generally lifts during spring and summer. This type of depression, typically accompanied by social withdrawal, increased sleep, and weight gain, predictably returns every year.
• Bipolar disorder is different from depression, but it’s included here because those with bipolar disorder experiences episodes of extremely low moods that meet the criteria for major depression called “bipolar depression.” But a person with bipolar disorder also experiences extreme high – euphoric or irritable – moods called “mania” or a less severe form called “hypomania.”

Know Someone: How do you help someone with depression? 

Seeing someone go through a depressive episode, you might leave you feeling ill-equipped to help them. You might feel like you don’t know what to say or do, or you’re afraid you’ll say or do the “wrong” thing. However, if you learn about what depression is, you have the ability to help someone suffering with it, even if it means just empathizing with them.

Depression Help: Below, Nicole has shared 11 insightful ways that others have helped her in her struggle with depression. We hope these suggestions will help you help someone with depression too …

1. Ask how you can help. It may seem simple, but give them the opportunity to tell you what they need. They may not answer you or they may tell you that they don’t know what you can do to help them, and that’s okay. The fact that you ask will mean something because it will show them that you care and are making an effort to help.
2. Send a thoughtful text. If you’re thinking about someone who has been down lately or is struggling, text them and check in on them. Ask them how they’re doing or give them a compliment. Simply say that you were thinking about them. Knowing that someone is actually thinking about them will mean a lot, even if they don’t say so. I can be having the worst day imaginable and an “I love you” text from my husband will still put a smile on my face. Don’t underestimate how much you mean to that person.
3. Put together a care package with all of their favorite things and ask them when it is okay for you to stop by and deliver it to them. You don’t have to spend a lot of money to do this. Buy a $1 bag at the dollar store and fill it with some things they love. Maybe there’s a movie they’ve been wanting to see. Pack some of their favorite snacks. Get them a gift card to one of their favorite stores. Pack some self-care items they can pamper themselves with, like lotion, a bath bomb, and a new luxurious loofah.
4. One of the best things you can do is help with chores. This is especially important for significant others and family members. Household chores are usually among the first to go when a depressive episode is rearing its ugly face. This can be anything from sweeping to vacuuming to dishes to laundry. Not only will they not be getting their chores done, but it often makes them feel stressed and guilty because they aren’t getting them done. The worst part is, it’s not even their fault, but depression isn’t rational.
5. Bring them a meal. Self-care is another one of those things that are among the first things to go when depression arises, and for some people that includes eating. Offer to cook or bring over takeout. Ask them if it’s okay if you stay and eat with them and if they say yes, that’s a great opportunity to talk to them and help put them at ease.
6. Don’t get frustrated or upset if they decline or cancel plans. When I’m experiencing a depressive episode, being around other people is the absolute last thing that I want to do. And the last thing that you should do is take it personally if they happen to cancel because it likely has nothing to do with you.
7. Listen without trying to analyze and fix everything. When someone is venting, it’s usually because they need to let certain thoughts or emotions out, and not necessarily because they’re looking for a solution in that moment, at least. So, try to refrain from responding with things like, “Well, have you thought about doing _________ (fill in the blank) to make it better?” or “You could always try _________ (fill in the blank).” Instead, just listen and try and understand their feelings and where they may be coming from. What they’re feeling in that moment may not always be rational, but it will mean a lot that you are trying to empathize with them. Speaking from my own personal experiences, most of the time, I would prefer my husband to listen to me and try to understand how I feel about something instead of trying to initiate a problem-solving brainstorming session.
8. Never invalidate our feelings. Everyone has a right to their own feelings. They may not always be rational, but that doesn’t make them any less real to that person. For that reason alone, they matter. Please don’t ever tell them to “get over it,” or “it’s not really that bad.”
9. Be there when they need it. And, by being there, I mean to be present. If you’re wanting to be there for someone, be there physically and mentally. For me, sitting in the same room with my husband can help immensely, assuming that he’s actually there and not lost in his phone. He used to get on his phone a lot when we would sit in the living room together. It made me feel like he wasn’t acknowledging that I was even in the room, which made me feel invisible. I know that it wasn’t intentional, but the thoughts my brain were telling me were so loud that I literally just could not take it. One day I finally had to say something to him and it got better after that. I mention this because some people may not speak up like I eventually did.
10. Offer to pamper them. You could offer to give them a relaxing massage or make their favorite dessert. Or, you could watch their favorite movie with them and bring lots of snacks.
11. If they ask you to leave them alone, it may be okay to do so as long as they aren’t exhibiting symptoms of suicidal behavior. Sometimes all they need is to be allowed to be alone for a while. The non-bolded items below are sometimes not cause for immediate alarm. For instance, if they’re acting anxious, maybe they have a school assignment due soon or a job interview tomorrow. If they’re withdrawing or isolating themselves, maybe they just got bad news. You should still show care and concern by attempting to figure out what is bothering them, but be aware that not every single negative feeling that a person is experiencing means that they are thinking about suicide.

With that being said, the bolded items below are usually a sign that someone has or is actively thinking about harming themselves or suicide. This may not be true for everyone, and it varies from person to person. Speaking from personal experience and after speaking with others who have had suicidal thoughts, I am trying to give you the best advice possible. If your loved one is, in fact, exhibiting signs of any of the bolded symptoms, I highly suggest not leaving them alone.

SOME (NOT ALL) SIGNS OF POTENTIALLY SUICIDAL BEHAVIOR

If there is an asterisk (*) by the item, please take extra, extra care, and be sure that you get help if necessary. Suicide and Crisis Lifeline – If you or someone you care about is in crisis and needs immediate help, call 988. The phone lines are answered by trained professionals available 24/7; the call is free and confidential. If emergency medical care is needed, call 911 or go to the emergency room of the nearest hospital. Please know, you don’t have to feel suicidal to use the above hotline. If you just need someone to talk to, use that lifeline too.

• Acting anxious or easily agitated
• Withdrawing or isolation
• Displaying rage or extreme mood swings
• Drastic changes in sleeping habits
• Drastic changes in eating habits
• Increased use of alcohol or drugs
• Behaving recklessly, as if they don’t care about being in harm’s way
• Talking about feeling trapped*
• Talking about death or killing oneself*
• Talking about feeling hopeless or worthless*
• Talking about feeling like a burden to others*

  Remember, depression is not something to take lightly. It’s a very real and very serious mental health illness, and it’s important that we understand the illness and how to help those who are suffering with it. If you listen and act, it can mean everything to someone with depression. Listen to what they have to say, but don’t try to “fix” them. Take action and send them a kind message, bring them a small token of your affection, or offer to do some chores or errands for them. Even the smallest action can make all the difference and help them get through their depressive episode. By staying present, responsive, and – above all else – compassionate, you’ll make sure that they know they aren’t alone.

  If you’re experiencing depression, it’s important for you to know it is not a weakness or a flaw in your character or personhood. Know that you’re not alone and there are people who care. There is absolutely no shame in asking for help. If you would like to talk with someone, reach out – call 988. Again, you don’t have to be suicidal to use this number – they are there to help and provide support and to listen.

  It can be exceptionally healing to share your story. Below, Kayla shares hers: